Throughout my entire life, discipline has always seemed like such a chore. I could never focus on one thing long enough to become a master at it. I haven't mastered any skill that I love to do.

I was never into sports as a child and exercise was never my thing. But I have always loved music. And in later years now since I've finished school, I love to read and learn new things. But as a result of never having the discipline to master any new skills while growing up, I am unable to focus my attention now. This is something that I had come to accept about myself but had vowed to make a change at some point. But true to form, my lack in discipline assured that I would struggle with this. A never ending loop of failure to master.

I have recently begun singing mantras. When I say recently, I mean today. Today is the first day of my discipline process. After having such an amazing weekend of healing ceremonies, I have learned a few things about myself. One such lesson was the lack of discipline that I put upon myself in order to better myself.

It is said that the constant repetition of a mantra can heighten our senses and awareness. I’m pretty sure it does indeed do exactly that, with practice, but for now my focus is for the purposes of discipline. Once the discipline is maintained, the practice will emerge. I am eternally grateful for the lessons I have received through working with plant medicines.

Through this work with plant-based healing medicines, I have caught a glimpse of what it is to be my full true self. With practice and discipline, I believe these mantras will help me in my process of expanding my being beyond what I know to be me and who I am.

The amazing realization that you are more than you think you are is quite profound. We think we are, as humans; the body, the mind, and in some cases, the soul/spirit. In most cases we believe we are a culmination of our family, friends, job, where we live, where we go, what hobbies we enjoy and what our spiritual beliefs are. A short story on these topics would amount to the average person’s belief in who they are. But the truth of it is we are so much more than all of it put together.

This past few days has helped me with my own view on this topic. I used to believe I was a father, a brother, a son, an uncle, a grandson, a musician, a singer, a writer, a good person trying to make a difference however small it was etc etc and the list goes on. But the truth is I am much more than any and all of those things.

As I have mentioned, I have been fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of who I am. The I that I am is so vast and expansive that no words can describe.

If you could imagine what it would be like to squeeze an elephant through the eye of a needle, then you would have some idea of how difficult it is for a spirit to enter the human form. The sheer vastness of our being-ness pre-earth, cannot be condensed into our 3D physical form. No matter how pure a human being is, they are still physical, and so therefore cannot contain their fullest potential. That said, our fullest potential in our human form is indeed impressive. We have yet to even come close to it. The achievements in the past of our fellow earthlings were all based in ego. This in itself is the biggest and heaviest limit we posses. The monks and sages of the world would be the purest of us and yet, I believe we have so much more to learn and to let go of.

With each layer of trauma that I work through and with each layer of pain that I come to terms with, that glimpse of my fullest potential expands a little more. With each expansion, I can get a sense and feel, to some small extent, of the next level of expansion before I experience it. So, I know there’s always more to remember, more to learn. I am more than I have ever imagined before, and more than I can even imagine now. The I that I am, in this human form, is only the finger tip of my true essence. I am everything and more than I could ever imagine myself to be.

With a daily practice I can expand my awareness, lighten my trauma and pain body, and thus expand the emptiness inside so more of my essence and light can enter, remembering more and more, who I truly am. This disciplined process can help me with procrastination and limiting my ego with regards to music, singing, writing and everything that I want to learn at this moment. Our ego tells us we are no good. So, if I start the day by reminding myself of how much I can remember with regards to who I am, well that will shut that little noise up with discipline and practise.

I am not perfect. I am finding my way.

Day by day, unravelling and unfolding, healing and expanding.

Namaste...

I stand alone on this last eve,
A life so full behind me.
In feeling piece my shattered life,
Bless-ed was my journey.

A tear I shed in mourning past,
In feeling more a stranger,
To a life I fought for heart and nails,
In crawling for my savior.

I am but boy in this grown skin,
Playful kind and true,
The love I feel for every me,
Is a beautiful baby blue.

I am instrumental life and change,
Here in this one man band,
Seeds of dreams twinkling daylight,
Awaiting a heart felt command.
I laugh in pass a moments gesture,
My path ahead so righteous,
I leave behind an empty dream,
In seeking life's great adventures.

It is sure to be that time will pass,
As a rover I'll saddle the road,
Another land a dream may be,
The unknown, no fixed abode.

Around the corner is out of sight,
A total guess it would be,
Stand in my shoes turned back,
There is no way you can see.

A total change a life turned around,
They would hardly even know me,
I stand in strength on this solid ground,
And I'll trust my guides unfold me.